Sacked? No-one expects the Spanish Fiddler (El Bow.... get it?)
Dear Reader,
We spare a thought today for the black binbag crew. 18,000 Deutsche Bank employees set adrift on the seas of finance without any warning. I imagine the more senior ones probably got cardboard boxes and the top ones might even have been given luxury plastic crates.
I think more many firings are coming within the industry and this mass layoff will be a justification catalyst. The industry has been 'man heavy' for years. Research departments all generally churn out the same turgid one size fits all data each one scared to rock the research boat by being 'a little bit contrarian'. Fund managers were expected to pay for this in the form of dealing fees or clearing services.
The issue came when they decided to automate. Think of the banks like a supermarket. It is not always great to have a conversation with a checkout lady who clearly doesn't want to be there about the weather or where you are going on your holidays. The self service checkouts are like the platforms the banks have invested tharg amount of money in - quicker and more efficient.Anyway today was not about the rise of the machines ( cue the image of Arnold Schwarzenneger at a tesco checkout).
I thought for light relief I would share a funny story of one of my sackings.
I like to think of myself as a nice bloke. A little bit abrasive but generally the sort of guy you wouldn't mind being stuck in a lift with.
I was working in 2012 - 2014 at an emerging markets broker in Switzerland. There were 3 directors of which I got on pretty well with one - we used to do ironman training together before and after work. I was on the Romanian desk doing bonds plus smashing it about in short dates on Turkish FX as a side gig.
As a rule of thumb you had to make 3 times your salary as a bookie to justify your seat (no idea what it is now as I am long gone from the world of pirates). There were 3 of us doing the day job. Me, a mad Romanian (one of my best mates) and a junior called Dave. We were doing OK in a fairly competitive marketplace. Not stellar but OK.
Another director (an ex hairdresser ) felt that we should be doing much better and decided to add another broker to the desk. Sounded fair so far but as I gradually saw my client bank being passed over to the new bloke in the course of the next 6 months I should have seen the warning signs. This 4th man ended up having twice the clients as me but still making less than half my revenue.
What I didnt know was that this guy was telling Captain Scissors that 'he could do much better with my guys and that he thought I was a liability to the company' behind my back. I got taken out to a bar by the Haircut MD to be told that he had never liked me and wanted to fire me from day one.
As an old lag in the markets I don't normally pay attention to this sort of thing, particularly as I was still over the 3 times salary threshold. My mistake.
I got called into a meeting one friday with the head of bonds. I assumed wrongly that they were looking to move me on to another desk. Apparently the 4th guy on the desk had also managed to persuade the director I trained with of my complete inability to do the job as well as him. Nick the head of bonds started with 'Don I like you ....'
Cue the hollow laughter. He pulled out an envelope in his clearly practiced fait accomplit to tell me it was over. I was half expecting a mariachi band to jump out of the cupboard at the same time. I love the terms he used 'we are restructuring Bonds and sadly you are not part of the plan'. The funniest thing was him trying to explain how they were keeping a guy who made less than half my revenue over me and saying he regarded me as a friend.
The icing on the cake was when I was clearing my desk in front of the whole dealing room the guy on the Romanian desk responsible for imy plight came up and said if he could do anything to help me he would. Clown world.
On a positive note I heard on the grapevine that the Hairdresser had a nervous breakdown after I left and is suing the company. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Maybe I should look him up for a trim next I am back in Switzerland.
If I recall I think I needed two binbags that day. Its amazing the amount of rubbish you accumulate at work never suspecting the Spanish Fiddler!
*** As an update to this sorry tale I should have added that within a year and a half my Romanian friend and Dave had both left the company leaving the 4th man to run the desk on his own ****
Best
Don
If you have been a victim of the Spanish Fiddler or would like to look at protecting your pension assets do please get in touch via email, linkedin or my number.
